Decisions, decisions... I have decisions to make.
See this summer I smelled change. I knew that Doug and I were going to have to make some new decisions to financially prepare for our future. Transition was a 'comin. We new it, we felt it. Secret be told, I thought he would begin looking for a new position. That was until my position ended.
Decisions...
I updated my resume, created an online portfolio, and began connecting and seeking interviews. Thank God that this year I was the recipient of the INA Nanny of the Year award. It was that extra little title that had people calling me in a hurry. All the while, another opportunity began to form. Something I was not seeking but seemed to find me.
I am open to God's leading, but, everyday my mind changes.
When I was about 20, I dated my first love who adopted a word to describe me..."fickle". I had a hard time trusting him and yet cared for him very much. I definitely did teeter back and forth, but always proclaimed that I wasn't fickle -- the word drove me crazy. It is not a word I hear people say often, in fact I don't think that I have heard it since.
Decisions...
So on a lighter note, I have been wanting a new work bag. A few months ago, while I was employed, I bought one that I thought I loved. I returned it after a week. I figured out that it's value to me was far below the price tag. So since then, I have been looking for a replacement, and a good deal. Last week at TJ Maxx -the best place to buy bags- I found a few that I really liked. I walked around, bags on my shoulders and arms, thinking and looking, and finally narrowed down my search. These two were my favorites...
The orange was fun, bright, strong, and daring.
The blue was safe, simple, cozy, and classic.
I knew what I liked; I liked them both. Either would be a good choice that I would be happy with. But which was the right choice? I found myself asking out loud "why am I so fickle?!" The word! I hadn't heard it in years and years and there it was. Fickle. Ewww!! Getting over the shock of what had come out of my own mouth, I wondered ...why am I so indecisive? It is just a bag. I can always return it. Uhhhh! I exhaled and took a break to look at shoes. (I also tweeted pictures, asking for some help from some of my most trusted gals.)
After a few minutes, I was taken from my silly purse fiasco to the REAL decision I haven't been able to make. I thought about how much my two choices resembled my bags. One is daring... a job that is unexpected, unsought, and yet may be really fun and exciting. The other classic... the road I have been traveling, a great road....something safe and "right".
My thoughts turned to prayers and not about the bag. Would God speak to a person at TJMaxx? The answer is yes. I came to a realization as I shopped that there is no decision that is going to make or break me. I get so worked up sometimes about doing the RIGHT thing. Sometimes the wrong thing just may be the right thing. (Do you follow?) I often worry about letting people down. I worry about not being faithful. That is some baggage God doesn't intend me to carry. Now in the accessories department, I was taken back to the picture God gave me in my mind at Last Weds Service a week before. Rather than look all around and make a logical, practical decision... based on all the details that are stressing me out, I was simply to look up. Metaphoric that HE is so far above and beyond my human trappings. My life's decisions cannot always be made by weighing everything perfectly or creating pro and con lists. That is because my life is not my own. I live to please God and carry out whatever purpose he calls me to. And that will bring peace and fulfillment. God has never been unfaithful. In fact even when we are faithless, he still remains faithful, for he cannot go against his own character (2 Tim. 2:13). Oh, how silly I feel being reminded of something I already knew.
But, once again, what a relief. I do not have to fear. He is walking with me.
So one decision was made.... (with receipt in hand, just in case.)
Another is still to be made. I could use your prayers as I move forward, not that I will make to RIGHT decision, but that I will follow God's leading. I know that this crossroad is approaching.
No comments:
Post a Comment